mf grimm
January, 1994. Afternoon. New York City.
It was in a snowstorm, a blizzard. An hour before, I was getting prepared to go to Atlantic Records to get signed for a half million dollars. I was coming out of the barbershop and jumped into the car my brother was driving. They shot the car up. My brother got killed. The first [bullet] I remember was on my side. As soon as it went into my body, it collapsed both lungs. I remember that one clear as day. The closest thing I can think of for the feeling is like how Superman would burn laser beams out of his eyes. It was that much heat, internally, trying to come out through my eyes. One went in my neck, ricocheted in my head and came out my mouth. Like a TV short-circuiting, it was like static in my head. The rest of them—side, arm, back—I don’t remember as much.
Death is something I never feared, but it did wake me up. You realize how weak you really are. Life has a higher calling beyond the physical aspect. I was pronounced dead for a moment. I woke up and there was an officer over me. I was in the ambulance with detectives. I’m strapped down, I’m bleeding, dying. All I can tell you is when I was pronounced dead, I did go somewhere. I’ve seen things it would be hard to explain. The place I was going, I was at peace and it was bliss. But I had to come back. It was one of the biggest disappointments for a while. But that was my journey, coming back here and getting another opportunity. Paralysis, which is like purgatory, was a bitter blessing. But it put me on my path to try to become a better human being.
The physical body is just a puppet. It’s not who I am. I never knew myself. Before this happened, I was already paralyzed—but it was just my brain. When someone is blind, their other senses kick in. It happens with paralysis as well. I can feel things that other people might not realize I can feel. Originally, I was blind in the right eye, deaf in the right ear. I couldn’t talk. I was paralyzed from the neck down. Since then my feelings have come back.
I don’t remember how to walk, though. It’s my own fault for not staying on top of remembering how to walk, but I do have a great chance of walking again. It took a moment not to view this totally selfishly. I’m in this for a reason, for other people to learn from it. I’m not an angel—I’ve done a lot of shit. I’ve been on the other side of the gun. It’s nothing to glorify. At the time this happened, I was getting label offers. When I got shot, the labels all wanted to separate from me. Now it’s part of your deal.
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